27 Fun Ways to Destroy Your Old Credit Card
April 5th, 2007
If you have old credit cards lying about the house, you may be at risk for credit card fraud, and you could be missing out on just how cathartic it really is to destroy those little money fiends. Here are some fun ideas to help you destroy your old credit card. Fun doesn’t necessarily mean safe, so try these at your own risk.
- Find a shredder — There’s not much that’s more satisfying than watching your old credit card be shredded into a bunch of tiny little pieces, especially if it’s a cross cut shredder. Gather up all of your old bills and have a shredding party, just make sure it’s a shredder that can handle cards.
- Contact your local bomb squad — The next time your local bomb squad needs to detonate a suspicious package, ask if they can toss your old card in before they press the button. They’ll most likely say no, and you may even end up in jail, but it’s worth a try.
- Toss it in a burning building — The next time you’re watching a building go up in flames, toss in your old credit card and rejoice that it’s being melted into a noxious little mess in there.
- The “Make Sure It’s Really Gone” Approach — If you can’t destroy your credit card enough, shred it, burn it, and then throw the ashes in the river. How very cathartic!
- Flatten it at the Indy 500 — Auto racing fan? Toss your old credit card in the path of 33 blazing automobiles and rejoice as it’s flattened into the raceway.
- Make a Collage — Too attached to really get rid of your old credit card? Find the other ones you can’t part with and make a collage to remind you just how in debt you really are.
- Throw it in the East River — Take your old credit card, put in a bag with a rock and chuck it in the East River. You’ll get extra double bonus points if you can do your best Corleone impersonation while you do it.
- Stomp it to Death — While this method isn’t particularly effective, it sure is fun. Once you’re done stomping, try one of the other suggestions above to completely destroy it.
- Toss it in with the Cat Litter — Can’t say enough nasty things about your old credit card company? Let your cat do the talking for you. Toss the card in their litter box and giggle manically while it’s covered in, well, you get the picture.
- Give your fish a new toy — Want a constant reminder of your credit problems? Toss your old credit card in the fish tank and let your fish gape at it constantly.
- Torch it — Grab a safety mask and gloves, a silicone mat, some training and the nearest blow torch and have yourself a great time watching the plastic melt.
- Put it on the dartboard — Have some fun tossing darts at your credit card and see just how long it takes until it’s completely unrecognizable.
- Try a new experiment — If Coca-Cola can dissolve a nail, why not a credit card? Pour a can of coke in a bowl, and toss in your card. Record its progress day by day until it’s eaten away.
- Let the ants do it — Cover your old Visa or MasterCard with a mixture of sugar and water and see how many ants it will take to lift it and carry it back to their queen. Might want to make sure it’s canceled first though, just in case.
- Give it to the rats — Live in a big city? Got a rat problem? Let them destroy your card by hiding it in some filthy hole under your sink. Once again, make sure it’s canceled first. You know how rats are.
- Try the old credit card in the lock trick — This trick never fails in the movies, but chances are, you’ll be able to snap it in two if you try to open your door with your old card. See how long it takes before it breaks or the door opens.
- Make your card famous — Video record your card’s demise and post the video on YouTube to let your old card have one last fleeting moment of fame.
- Feed it to some piranha — Next time you’re in South America, find a river with some really hungry piranha, coat your card in a disgusting substance that they might like, and toss it in. Just remember to buy your return ticket first.
- See how many pieces you can cut it into — Grab a pair of scissors, and see how many teeny tiny pieces you can get out of your credit card before your hand freezes up or you reach the end. Bonus points if you turn the leftovers into something useful.
- Feed it to your man-eating plant — Coat your card in once again something disgusting that a man-eating plant might like and see if they’ll digest it easier than you ever managed to digest your bill.
- Two words: “Throwing Stars” — Bring out your inner ninja and get some target practice by tying your old card to a tree and seeing how many times you can hit it with your throwing stars.
- Find an alkali lake — Really worried about identity theft? Find the nearest alkali lake and drop your card in. It should be eaten through in no time.
- Melt it with your old PowerBook — Remember the vintage PowerBooks? The ones that could sear your lap? See how long it takes to melt your old card by placing it under the computer. Might want to wear a mask though, noxious fumes and all that. Note: This also works for laptops with Sony batteries, but you may lose your desk.
- Tie your card to your tires and go mudding — While it may not be the smartest way to get rid of your card, it sure is fun. But hey, if someone wants to dig through a bunch of yucky mud to steal your old credit card, they sure need another hobby.
- Cremate it and spread the ashes — If there’s a way to safely cremate your old card without being overcome by the fumes, you can hold a little funeral ceremony and toss the ashes into the Grand Canyon, or somewhere where they won’t fine you an arm and a leg for littering.
- See just how many times it can make it through the dryer — You’ve already washed it a few times, haven’t you? Well, find out just how durable that old card is by repeatedly running it through the washer and dryer. May take awhile, but think of the valuable data you’ll gain.
- Drop it into Mel’s Hole — Whether you believe the story of Mel’s Hole or not, it sure sounds like a good place to get rid of an old credit card. At an estimated 80,000 feet deep, if you believe Mel, and most people don’t, it’s a pretty effective way to ditch your card.
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